Monday, July 16, 2012

Lesbians Falling For Straight Women

Many Lesbians have experienced the predicament of having romantic feelings for a straight woman. If you are a Lesbian and find yourself infatuated with a straight woman, better yet a married woman, tell yourself WHOA!

Let's paint a hypothetical scenario with a married woman. You have an emotional connection and a physical attraction for a married woman; however, there has not been any "real" indication that she is attracted to you. To continue on with the scenario, she is having major relationship issues with her husband and has been confiding with you. You are hearing some very intimate details and feeling her sadness, anger, confusion, and a bunch of other emotions. She is trying to decide what to do: divorce, counseling, separation. The two of you meet regularly for lunch a couple of times per week. You want to help her, rescue her from her awful marriage, and make her feel happy again. Take Heed: Although she may be in the process of getting a divorce or separating from her husband, that does not mean she will leave the "hetero" team.

It may not be so unusual for a Lesbian to have feelings for a straight woman. However, the actions taken (i.e. express feelings or not) determine everything. Acting on your feelings could be disastrous to the friendship.

First, people do not arbitrarily switch and vacillate between being heterosexual and homosexual. Even if someone did, heartbreak would surely ensue. Remember that old adage: You cannot be something you are not.

Second, based on the "married woman scenario", ending a marriage is very disruptive to one's established world. The person needs space, time, support and less confusion. If you confess your love to this woman at this time, you will be sorely disappointed with her reaction. Although YOU may be ready to progress the relationship to another level, she probably is not.

Third, straight women are not accustomed to dealing with another woman's affectionate interests; they do not view other women as potential lovers. They seek female friendships to have confidants and companions to do stuff with. They size-up other women based on appearance, jobs, parenting, marital status, hobbies and interests, neighborhoods, church and community involvement... not on sexual or romantic interest.

I was married; however, I suspected there was something "not straight" about me! When I finally realized that I had been denying my sexuality, only then did I feel compelled to do something. I actually made the first move on my soon-to-be girlfriend. Let me emphasize this point: I first was certain (actually fairly certain) that I was Gay before I would kiss the girl.

If you find yourself in this situation and you are bound and determined to find out whether your lady friend has any inclination on having a romantic relationship with you, consider using a disguised approach. Initiate a conversation based on the "hypothetically, if you were Gay" theme. She may tell you, without being awkward, that she is not Gay. Then, what's the point in pursuing her.

Regardless, you may still feel compelled to throw it out there to see what happens. If you tell her that you are attracted to her and she is not prepared for this confession nor is she interested, then the awkwardness and the "elephant in the room" will be felt and exist between the two of you probably forever. Be prepared for anything, including fewer lunch dates and having an awkward friendship.

Straight women are just that...Straight. You cannot change them!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

Super Woman Vs Happy Woman

Are healthy boundaries possible being a woman?

It's hard to imagine that you could possibly put yourself first when there are so many things to get done. How do some women balance business, love, and children and still have a pulse at the end of the day?

This has been the theme of almost every coaching call last week. Women are screaming for relief from the worlds demands.

I spoke to a client today, who alarmingly told me, that she and her friends have decided that they no don't want to take care of another man again. They are happy to be alone.

Is this really what we have to look forward to? A life alone.

Let's analyze what has caused our conditioning from a place of responsibility!
• Stage 1 - when a woman is single she typically puts her career first.
• Stage 2 - when she is in love, she often makes her mate a priority over her own needs.
• Stage 3 - when she has children her babies become her focal point.

So for your entire life you have been practicing coming in second place!

Times are changing fast!

You may be feeling the pull to take care of yourself? And, here is why!

Energetically women are being called forward to bathe themselves in an abundance of self love. They are being prepared to hold the context for the masculine to do what they need to do.

Now don't take this as a reason to put up walls because that is not what I am talking about at all. When you take care of yourself first, you have what it takes to play a bigger game. Women are gathering all over the planet with courage and self worth.

My suggestion to you if you so want it, is to let go and nurture you.

Here are some steps to love you up and still get it all done!

#1 Start your day with self love
When you get up in the morning make the first 30 minutes your time. Do what you love to do. Paint, dance, garden. Do whatever makes your heart sing. (Please do not use this as time to get more done). This is your love you time!

#2 Joint Venture's for women
Run your life like a business. Only do the things that you want to do and find a way to get support on the other details. It's amazing that when you stop saying 'I can't' how many options open up in your space. If you can't get out of your own way then go ask your friends for advice.

#3 Be Flexible
When you feel like you have to get things done you can easily drop into a ridged mentality. What I know for sure is that nobody feels the love when they are ridged. Everything becomes hard and people do not want to be around you. Let go and let God. Have some fun with seeing where life goes when you follow other peoples lead. Let it go, it's not the end of the world!

Here's to you finding healthy boundaries and still getting it done!

I want to know how it goes when you try one of these steps, or what steps do you already do that create the that love time?

For the past two years, Shanda has focused solely on creating opportunities for women (both individually and by creating 'sisterhoods') using her business expertise in applying cutting edge tools and key principles proven in successful business.

She is also a highly sought after life coach and speaker specializing in women's interests and issues. She travels the globe assisting individuals, companies, and large groups.